Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, "Don't Come Around Here No More"

Ever since we got cable, I have been glued to Fuse and Vh1 Classic (and any That '70s Show episode/marathon that happens to be playing at the time) any chance I've gotten. This morning during their '80s video block, this video came on.

I love watching music videos in general, but I adore older music videos, and the fact that Vh1 Classic takes the time to

1. actually play music videos and
2. features a wide variety of older clips

...is kind of awesome. But that's not the only thing that struck me about the video block, especially after seeing this video.

Aside from my obsession with '80s music videos, I love the take on Alice's Adventures in Wonderland--one of my favorite books of all time. I am fascinated by its nonsense. And everything I've heard from Tom Petty has been amazing. But that first shot of Tom Petty at the end of the long table sparked some kind of recognition in my mind. I felt like I'd seen it before, years ago. I didn't necessarily remember the rest of it--except the checkerboard room--but it must have been very early on when I saw it. I couldn't place where I saw it, how old I was, what was going on in my life. I just...felt like this morning wasn't the first time I'd seen it.

There are things we won't remember--regardless of whether the memories will stay buried or become uncovered by some kind of trigger. A small part of me is worried about never being able to recover those things; I wonder if it's even possible. The big things, the little things, everything in between from when I started comprehending everything around me to the things I should remember but have lost, even from today. There is a slight fear that if I can't, I will never fully understand my place on this Earth. As if maybe if I'd paid more attention, I wouldn't feel so unsure about everything. Life and its complexities with cracks, with holes that will lead to somewhere I will never be able to access.

I know that I will never reach a complete understanding of everything life possesses, how life experiences connect and function, why things happen as they do. Not in this life, anyway. And as cliche as this may sound, until then, I'll just sit and ponder.