Quarter Life or Thereabouts

Shortly after I started dating him, I spent an entire Saturday with my first boyfriend at his house. It was a good day; he made me spaghetti, my favorite meal, minus the mushrooms because I didn't like them. That was one of the first days I ever shot off fireworks other than sparklers, and we just talked, and it felt nice to be able to do so. At that point, we had only been dating for about a month and a half, and because he lived so far away, things were still pretty new. He lived in a pretty small town, and so the two of us and his little sister drove over to the next town to get fireworks. We picked out the firework pack we wanted, paid for it, and we made our way to the nearest gas station to grab something to eat.

He finally mustered up the courage to take my hand as we were walking around. He dropped it, however, as soon as his sister screeched, "Ew, you guys are holding hands?!" and he didn't try holding my hand again for the rest of the day.

I've been watching a lot of The Office in the last three weeks. One of the last episodes I finished was the one where Phyllis and Bob Vance get married. It was a great episode. I was happy for Phyllis. Michael drove me nuts, as per usual. I was appalled at his actions.* I would be absolutely mortified if anyone acted that way at my wedding.

Things have seemingly become more domestic over the last year. My friends' Facebook posts have fallen into this category, ranging from wedding plans to baby announcements and the like. Even watching shows like The Office and Ugly Betty over the last few weeks has been eerily reflective of the job search as I've waited to hear back from potential employers. These things aren't bad. I'm thankful for them--I'm just not yet used to how grown-up everything seems all of a sudden.

I think about that spaghetti Saturday every once and awhile. The thing that taints it is, of course, the ex's reaction when his sister saw us holding hands. At the time, I was embarrassed, too. I thought that maybe things were always like that at the beginning of a relationship. We'd only been dating for just over a month, after all. I felt ashamed for wanting to hold his hand. And it was such a beautiful day, too.

What I realize now, many years later, is that it was stupid for him to react that way. I was hurt, though I didn't want to admit it at the time. The memory leaves a bad taste in my mouth; there was so much I didn't realize at the time that was wrong with the situation and, ultimately, the relationship. It was good that it ended, because the weirdness didn't end there.

One of my best friends, Amanda, is getting married next year, as is my good friend Nicole. I'm excited to be there to be a part of both of their special days.

I don't know if I'll ever have the opportunity to get married, and to be honest, I've never thought much about it. I mean, I have, but not to the same degree you'd expect of a young woman in her twenties. There are few things I'm absolutely sure of, regarding little details of what right now seems like something distant. When I told Amanda that I wanted this song** as part of my ceremony, her face lit up and I knew her excitement was due to the fact I haven't really talked about stuff like this very often; I'm usually pretty quiet/negative about it. But, I knew that if I ever get married, that was the very song I'd want to play. It says everything I could never be able to express.

I have a lot of feelings about it all, and I don't talk about it much. I know that I don't want a Michael Scott there to ruin anything about it, because I know exactly how I'd feel about my wedding day. It's too important, and too precious.



*As annoying as he can be, however, he's such a brilliant character. I can't help but simultaneously love and hate him.

**Here's the original.

Another Quick Word...

Once again I am here, and have much I'd like to talk about. But I have much to do and not a lot of time to spare while trying to fight the urge to procrastinate (which I have already failed at doing at least three times this morning). One of these days I'll get around to talking about Spring Break* and Beatle cover bands and talks with my sister and how much I loved and want to gush about the Hunger Games film and, finally, Mockingjay (both of which I will address soon...)

But...my show hangs in two weeks and I am trying not to loose my head in trying to balance readings and artist statement drafts and ways to hang my work and InDesign things and maybe drawing if there's time to spare. I can't believe it's almost here...

In the meantime, though, I leave you with one of the grooviest, coolest songs the Beatles ever did. Happy Tuesday. 

*Edit: Also The Fault in Our Stars, which I finally had the chance to read last week during break, and ultimately loved and cried my eyes out over and really, really want/need to do a thoughtbox over. Did you know that Peter Van Houten is not a real person? I googled him, and he and his book, are not real. Mind = blown. 

Rainy Friday

It's currently raining. Such a calming thing. There's a little bit of thunder, too. As much as I don't want it to be raining as we're loading stuff tomorrow, I do love it, especially now.

Just an observation. I leave you with "Rain" by Mika.*

*Also "Rain" by The Beatles, which is another great song appropriate to the beauty of this moment. Well, for the most part. 

The Week from You Know Where

I hate moving. I've had to do it at least twice in the last year and a half, and I have been dreading this day for, oh, six months or so.

It's not that I don't like the idea of living elsewhere. The house we're moving into, though I have yet to see the inside of it, provides us with a lot of space--which is awesome. And it has a basement complete with a laundry room, so that means relaxing/no need to get laundry quarters again for awhile. The house is going to be pretty amazing, and I can't wait to settle in.

Saturday is our move-out day, and Monday is our move-in day. Sunday is going to be that weird limbo where I technically will be homeless. Alisha and I plan to stay in a motel so we may be able to have a real night's sleep on real beds.

But honestly? It's the process of getting to that point that is driving me insane. I'm working most of the week. My plan to have been packed by two days ago was thwarted due to a lot of work shifts after my class ended at the beginning of the month. I find myself overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff I still need to do before moving (and before the semester starts back up again). I'm worried about transporting all the stuff I have; over five years I have acquired a small library and many movies, and I'm a pack rat, so that doesn't help. I am not sure about any possible help yet for the actual moving part yet; I have asked Heidi, but she isn't sure about whether she'll be able to help yet, and as my mom is working this weekend, and my dad's shoulder out of commission...It is all too much for me to handle at the moment.

It doesn't help that my roommates and I are all on edge, and letting the stress vent itself in the form of annoyed bitchiness most of the time in conversation. This isn't helping my mind state at all; I have done my share of snapping at everyone, but it is difficult to alter one's attitude when being attacked, seemingly, from most directions. I mean, perhaps a lot of the frustration is in my head (moving stresses me out SO MUCH), and I'm only imagining most of the tension...but there is still something there. The consolation is that by this time next week, it will have disappeared. Until then, however...

Too many things to think about right now.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch:

• Turns out that Kurt's graduation doesn't mean he's leaving Glee. Brad Falchuk cleared it up at ComicCon. Wooohooo! Words cannot express my relief; Glee doesn't seem like Glee if Rachel, Finn, and Kurt--arguably the most prominent cores of the emotional plot--are not there to take part in some way. Especially Kurt, since he is a character so many are invested in, including myself. (Note: This may be acceptable after a few more seasons, but for right now, it's much too soon to see them go for good.) Related: I never thought I'd be this connected to a television show. This is basically the only one I have stuck with since first watching it, and I'm not much of a TV person at all. It blows my mind. The show is incredible.
• The Glee Project, while still annoying me from time to time, is alright. I'm still not fond of the stupid drama bits they tend to insert here and there--I find it incredibly distracting--but I am really intrigued with the casting process. I was sad when Matheus was sent home--it doesn't feel the same without him--I don't like Lindsay's "can't ever go wrong" demeanor, and I really, really want Hannah to win. She seems the most genuine to me, and I would love to see what kind of character she could bring to the show. 
• I have purchased The Invention of Hugo Cabret and intend to read it as soon as we're moved into the new house. More on this later; but rest assured I am STOKED to read it. 
• Prairie and I went to Waldenbooks on Sunday to check out the blowout sale. Regardless of the fact the discounts weren't as good as I had hoped (I saved only $6), it was surreal and very tragic to think that in mere weeks, Borders will have disappeared. So many feelings....
• This is probably going to be the thing that gets me through the next week and a half. I am so excited to see Struck by Lightning. It is sure to be awesome. Did you know that Chris Colfer wrote the script for it?* 
• Reason #1974626475 why Matthew Lewis is awesome**: He and I share the same passion and associated feelings for Beatles music. And we agree on the best Beatles album. Also, microwaved scrambled eggs? No words. 
• My grandparents will soon be celebrating their 60th anniversary. I'm so happy for them. <3

*Chris Colfer is one of my heroes. He is a genius.

**Matthew Lewis is also one of my heroes. Always and forever. We sent him a K-State hat once because he talked about his embarrassing Order of the Phoenix haircut on an early episode of PotterCast, and there was a call for hats (probably as a joke, but we still wanted to help him out).

"Torpedoed again, eh?"

It's days like this I feel I need to remind myself that there is such a thing as sanity, and so I immerse myself in things like this. I'll let the clip speak for itself.