Bullet Points

• The Glee season finale was good for the first thirty-five minutes. It was excellent, in fact, until that point. And while I appreciated the twist with Rachel, I was frustrated with what was left out of the episode before we saw Rachel through the end. It had to be a writing or editing issue. Meh. I might talk about this more in another post, but this is not the time and place for that. Soon, though. 
• As I write this post, I am alternating between typing and making pancakes. Pour, type, flip, type, move to plate, pour, eat newly made pancake, type, etc. 
• In the last four days, I have had two school nightmares and one pregnancy dream. The school nightmares have been pretty standard, though I don't know how much longer they're going to follow me around, since I've graduated...
• Life as a graduate is nice, but also really odd. More on this later. 
• I've been slowly going through my belongings, really trying to pare everything down and get rid of the clutter. I've sold back some movies and books, and have gone through my clothes at least twice to pull out some stuff to take over to the Salvation Army, but I still feel like I have so much stuff. It's insane. 
• I feel like I've been incredibly lazy in the last week and a half. I've already have had at least two silent freak-outs and have tried writing things down in a list or two, but the problem is that I have two separate lists when I really should have one. I really need to keep tabs on what needs to be done. 
• While I was waiting for my car in the shop, I spent the better part of yesterday reading*, something I hadn't done in a long time. I finished a book called Ex Libris: Confessions of a Common Reader by Anne Fadiman and another called Someone Like You by Sarah Dessen. I hope to do a thoughtbox for both soon (as well as one for Mockingjay, which is long overdue). I like this part of the real world. I mean, realistically, I know that I won't always have a free day to do things like that, but it's nice to have even the smallest bit of time to read. Now, if only I can just get myself into a schedule...
• The more flexible schedule is going to take some getting used to. 

*I'm a slow reader, so any reading time is precious to me. 

Quick Thoughts, Glee 3x07, "I Kissed A Girl"

Okay. So as soon as the semester's over, I'm going to go more in depth with all the episodes I haven't been able to talk about yet. But for right now, this'll have to do.

I have a lot of love for last night's episode--and I am a firm believer that this season is kick-ass and each episode gets progressively better--but there are a few things I wasn't sure about among the things I adored.

First, linkage: Some really incredible thoughts on Santana and Beiste in relation to feminism, as well as a few more thoughts from Deconstructing Glee responding to Dorothy Snarker's thoughts, also regarding similar issues. And then, of course, SillyGleek guest-blogging on DG with what is essentially an open letter to the characters as of the end of the episode. Preach!

Some quick thoughts:

• I am a firm believer that despite the issues brought up in the first two links (with which I agree), Finn had his heart in the right place with the lesson. Finn is not an inconsiderate (insert adjective here) person. (This also goes for his outing of Santana.) He's 17/18 years old. He has flaws. I don't expect him to understand everything about the world at this point. He's slowly learning, and that's all I can hope for. Don't forget about how far he's come since Season 1. 
• Mike Chang is love. He was my favorite in the voting booth montage. 
• What the bloody hell is up with Puck's mohawk?! Did anyone else notice that it's long enough to part at the crown of his head?!
• I can't really wrap my head around Cooter and Sue's "history." Did anyone else find that out of the blue, or am I just slow at putting the pieces together? Mostly I'm frustrated because Coach Beiste a) deserves some kind of happiness but b) Cooter was kind of a douche to her and also because c) the points so beautifully stated in the tumblr post I linked to above. Don't let Beiste lose her awesomeness. Please. I beg you. 
• Mercedes....I pine for the time you and Kurt were BFFs. (I do think it's interesting that there is a kind of shift in the relationship, though. Friendships will change over the years.)
• SHELBY. WHY? SERIOUSLY. This is so messed up. *throws up hands* And while we're on the subject...
• PUCK. WTF IS GOING ON WITH YOU? And most especially, WHY DID YOU TELL QUINN?! UGH. Things are going to get worse. Remember Pacey Witter from Dawson's Creek? This is serious stuff.  
• I don't think I could ever hate Brittany in a million years. 
• Santana was especially cruel this episode. I wanted to smack her for her reaction to Kurt and Blaine singing to her. But...
• I also wanted to punch the guy who wanted to make her "normal." Society is messed up. If one considers the way that Kurt was bullied and mistreated, the way the world (or in this case, WMHS) is treating Santana is both similar and different, but just as awful. I was disgusted. Not cool, society. 
• Also, the scene in which Santana comes out to her abuela made me want to bawl my eyes out. I just want Santana to be happy and have the support she needs from the ones she loves. :(
• Rachel can be very frustrating sometimes, but I still love her as a character, and I was so proud that she admitted to Principal Figgins that she was the one to stuff the ballot box. 
• Kurt's voiceover in the voting booth: "If I lose, I don’t have a chance of getting into NYADA. It’s not fair. The difference between my dreams coming true and managing a Sonic Burger depends on how many people check a stupid box." This killed me. Sonic Burger... *cries* I hope you get in. And I agree with SillyGleek's guest post: you have a whole bunch of kick-ass credentials. Don't give up!! (More on this and Finn's similar concerns about the future at a later date. This is an important thread this season.)
• Kurt and Blaine this episode, from "Perfect" to their little moments. They're just so supportive and in tune with one another. I love them so much. Always and forever, they are amazing. <3 (I love SillyGleek's comments to Blaine. YES SO MUCH SO. Hehe.)

More as soon as I get the chance. It was a great episode.

Edit: Also, I hope Kurt knows that, if he is not accepted into NYADA, there are other options in NY and elsewhere. I just want him to find a place he can be happy and fulfill his dreams. You know? 

A Two-Parter Ramble

I'm going to borrow a segue technique from John and Hank Green, the Vlogbrothers, who happen to be my favorite YouTube people (and the only ones I regularly watch). So, without further ado, this post comes in two parts.

Part One: Being Home


Last weekend was the first weekend since June that I was able to spend more than just 24 hours with my family. Heidi and I coordinated our visit so we'd have a weekend where all four of us (Heidi, Mom, Dad, and I) were in the same house. It was far too short of a weekend.

I'll be honest: I did not get a lot of homework done when I was home. For some reason, my motivation shuts off whenever I'm there, as if every visit is a vacation for me. The only thing I actually accomplished was watching online lectures for Art History, which I made my sister watch with me. She spent the entirety of them playing with Naomi, one of our cats, and playing on the Facebook Sims.

Regardless, the weekend was wonderful. Heidi and I watched a TON of movies:

• Wild Target, with Bill Nighy, Emily Blunt, and Rupert Grint. This movie is HILARIOUS. There's just something magical about British comedy that American comedy has a hard time living up to for me. Perhaps that's too cruel for me to say, but I really believe that. Now I just need to hunt down a copy for myself....
• Take Me Home Tonight with Topher Grace, Anna Faris, and Teresa Palmer. The movie was pretty funny, and I liked the touches of '80s culture included. Two things, though: first, I'm not a big fan of Dan Fogler (see above for a watered-down version of my thoughts on American comedy). Second, while I really appreciate what the movie's simple plot was trying to accomplish, I felt that Adventureland, which focuses on a similar kind of post-college state of wandering, was much more successful--and thorough in the journey of the protagonist--in conveying it. The holes in characters and the plot irritated me to no end. Overall, though, it was fun. I thought Topher Grace and Anna Faris topped themselves. 
• Jane Eyre, with Mia Wasikowska and Michael Fassbender. LOVE. I would cross oceans for this movie. No joke. 
• Crazy, Stupid, Love., with Steve Carrell and Julianne Moore. There were plenty of romantic comedy cliches, cheesy writing, and an almost completely predictable outcome for the characters. It was, however, very funny, and surprising at times. I loved Robbie, the son ("I love you. Please."); Jessica, the babysitter (her characterization/subplot was amazing); Hannah and Jacob's relationship (so funny and so tender, and it helps that I love both Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling). Little surprises all around. Plus, Josh Groban makes an appearance. 

The four of us took a mini-daytrip to Beatrice, where we scoured the $5 bin at Wal-Mart and returned with a large stack of bargain CDs between us. I met up with Maggie on Sunday for dinner to catch up with her and Emi, who's eyes are still as big and happy as they were when I saw her last at the end of May. She is adorable and I feel incredibly proud to be her godmother. Meanwhile, I joked around and talked music with Dad, spent time with Mom, filling her in on classes and such. Heidi and I cruised twice around town, blaring music from our iPods and pouring out our hearts about the things in our lives that were simultaneously important and heartbreaking in some form or another. There's something incredibly therapeutic about sharing this with my sister. I remember when Dad and his brother Rod would go cruising when we were little; there was a reason we were never allowed to join them--that was their time to share. Nothing but music, conversation, and honest heart-pouring. Those moments are special to me, more than I can put into words.

Part Two: Two Concerns and Many Feelings


First, I grow more and more wary of the future each day. I have no idea where I'll be at this time next year (and I feel the time swiftly slipping away from me). I do want to go to graduate school, but call it laziness or being too busy, I haven't looked into anything yet. There are so many feelings that I can't yet articulate, and I know I just have to push them and the worry aside and get the ball rolling so I don't waste any time. I know it will work out in the end. I mean, I do have time, and there are a few other things I've put on my educational bucket list (more travel, a writing fellowship, etc.) that are also on the timeline. I just need to sit down, make lists, prepare applications, take the GRE, and write.


Second, I noticed something when I was at dinner with Maggie on Sunday, and it's been hanging over my head since then, amplified from what it was before. I don't remember the exact train of our conversation or what prompted me to say it, but at one point, I made an off-hand comment that was along the lines of, "Well, if and when I ever get married and have kids..." Maggie, who was in the process of trying to keep Emi occupied (she was being fussy), laughed a little and looked up at me.

"You never know; if [so-and-so] got married, anyone can." Or something like that.

I feel like sometimes I let my cynicism about marriage get out of hand. No matter how hard I try to remain neutral concerning me and marriage, I feel like I always sound so bitter about it, as if I bring it up just so I can beat it to death over and over again, which is not my intention at all. It's not that I don't believe in it--because I really, really do--but part of me honestly feels like I won't ever get married, that God does not mean me to be.

Amanda gets really mad at me when I start talking like this. "God meant for you to be a mother," she says, speaking with a firm tone and looking me directly in the eye. "You have to have confidence in yourself. He has someone for you." My argument (which I feel is just as sound) is that maybe God does not have this planned for me, that I'm meant for something different. So, shouldn't I have trust that He knows what's best for me? Everything happens for a reason.

Thing is, I haven't dated in over four years. Most people my age are at a point where they are settling down. Facebook seems to magnify a pressure that doesn't really exist that I am desperately behind the times. I'm not socially comfortable enough to be able to use whatever "flirting protocol" is required to date, and of the two guys I had some sort of more-than-friends-type feelings for, one flat-out told me he'd never date me because I reminded him too much of his ex, and the other was only at K-State for a semester and I never understood what was going on with my relationship with him, anyway. When I go out to the bars with friends, I'm the one who stands just off to the side watching as my friends get hit on and the guys in question giving me that "Who are you?" look in the few times they break eye-contact with the object of their affection.

The last time I talked with Nate about dating, he suggested online dating sites. I shot down that idea almost immediately.

My ex-boyfriend (the only one I've had) told me four years ago that I was "too perfect." I'm still not sure what that had to do with our relationship and why we ended up in the mess we did.

My heart is much too invested in this complicated thing I've found myself in. And I have to understand that in no way am I supposed to find someone at this very moment; I have all the time in the world, if that is indeed what I'm meant to have in my life. Brandi, bless her heart, encourages me to embrace my single status (as, we joke, Jason Derulo does in the song). And I try. As I try to gain and maintain the confidence Amanda has urged me to find. Sometimes, though, the feelings get too heavy. I just wish things made more sense, sometimes. I can't spend the rest of my life dwelling on these things, you know?

So when my bitterness seemed to creep into my conversation with Maggie on Sunday, I felt awful that I ruined the mood of the conversation. I did not want her to think I was rude, or against anything related to it. It was just me, feeling too much, getting caught up in them and letting some slip away, becoming entangled in it.

The Week from You Know Where

I hate moving. I've had to do it at least twice in the last year and a half, and I have been dreading this day for, oh, six months or so.

It's not that I don't like the idea of living elsewhere. The house we're moving into, though I have yet to see the inside of it, provides us with a lot of space--which is awesome. And it has a basement complete with a laundry room, so that means relaxing/no need to get laundry quarters again for awhile. The house is going to be pretty amazing, and I can't wait to settle in.

Saturday is our move-out day, and Monday is our move-in day. Sunday is going to be that weird limbo where I technically will be homeless. Alisha and I plan to stay in a motel so we may be able to have a real night's sleep on real beds.

But honestly? It's the process of getting to that point that is driving me insane. I'm working most of the week. My plan to have been packed by two days ago was thwarted due to a lot of work shifts after my class ended at the beginning of the month. I find myself overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff I still need to do before moving (and before the semester starts back up again). I'm worried about transporting all the stuff I have; over five years I have acquired a small library and many movies, and I'm a pack rat, so that doesn't help. I am not sure about any possible help yet for the actual moving part yet; I have asked Heidi, but she isn't sure about whether she'll be able to help yet, and as my mom is working this weekend, and my dad's shoulder out of commission...It is all too much for me to handle at the moment.

It doesn't help that my roommates and I are all on edge, and letting the stress vent itself in the form of annoyed bitchiness most of the time in conversation. This isn't helping my mind state at all; I have done my share of snapping at everyone, but it is difficult to alter one's attitude when being attacked, seemingly, from most directions. I mean, perhaps a lot of the frustration is in my head (moving stresses me out SO MUCH), and I'm only imagining most of the tension...but there is still something there. The consolation is that by this time next week, it will have disappeared. Until then, however...

Too many things to think about right now.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch:

• Turns out that Kurt's graduation doesn't mean he's leaving Glee. Brad Falchuk cleared it up at ComicCon. Wooohooo! Words cannot express my relief; Glee doesn't seem like Glee if Rachel, Finn, and Kurt--arguably the most prominent cores of the emotional plot--are not there to take part in some way. Especially Kurt, since he is a character so many are invested in, including myself. (Note: This may be acceptable after a few more seasons, but for right now, it's much too soon to see them go for good.) Related: I never thought I'd be this connected to a television show. This is basically the only one I have stuck with since first watching it, and I'm not much of a TV person at all. It blows my mind. The show is incredible.
• The Glee Project, while still annoying me from time to time, is alright. I'm still not fond of the stupid drama bits they tend to insert here and there--I find it incredibly distracting--but I am really intrigued with the casting process. I was sad when Matheus was sent home--it doesn't feel the same without him--I don't like Lindsay's "can't ever go wrong" demeanor, and I really, really want Hannah to win. She seems the most genuine to me, and I would love to see what kind of character she could bring to the show. 
• I have purchased The Invention of Hugo Cabret and intend to read it as soon as we're moved into the new house. More on this later; but rest assured I am STOKED to read it. 
• Prairie and I went to Waldenbooks on Sunday to check out the blowout sale. Regardless of the fact the discounts weren't as good as I had hoped (I saved only $6), it was surreal and very tragic to think that in mere weeks, Borders will have disappeared. So many feelings....
• This is probably going to be the thing that gets me through the next week and a half. I am so excited to see Struck by Lightning. It is sure to be awesome. Did you know that Chris Colfer wrote the script for it?* 
• Reason #1974626475 why Matthew Lewis is awesome**: He and I share the same passion and associated feelings for Beatles music. And we agree on the best Beatles album. Also, microwaved scrambled eggs? No words. 
• My grandparents will soon be celebrating their 60th anniversary. I'm so happy for them. <3

*Chris Colfer is one of my heroes. He is a genius.

**Matthew Lewis is also one of my heroes. Always and forever. We sent him a K-State hat once because he talked about his embarrassing Order of the Phoenix haircut on an early episode of PotterCast, and there was a call for hats (probably as a joke, but we still wanted to help him out).

Some Points of Interest for 28 June

First, a friend of mine on Facebook linked to a picture of this Sign of Awesome. It kind of made my day.

Second, John Green has released the title of his new book, which will rock the world's socks off for sure. If you have not read any of his previous books, go now to your local library or bookstore. I'd start with Paper Towns; others would argue with me and insist on Looking for Alaska. And yes, Will Grayson, Will Grayson counts. When it comes down to it though, it does not matter, because all of them are AMAZING. John Green is a brilliant writer; you won't be disappointed.

Third, and most annoyingly, Meghan Cox Gurden responds to the uproar following her previous opinion piece. I have a hard time finding her argument sound, but I'd rather not think on it too much because it makes my brain hurt. This article has enflamed Twitter and the rest of the internet once again, even more so than her first, it seems. Two rebuttals I really like come from Gayle Forman and Bookshelves of Doom. Both are incredibly insightful but also offer different criticisms, which ups the awesomeness of each. Agreed, agreed, agreed. As for my thoughts...they are many, but one of the things that upsets me the most is that she suggests that adolescence--and all complications that come with it--can, essentially, be forgotten, like those things (some which are terrible) won't carry with you as you get older. As someone who's still trying to understand the complex and often inexplicable issues with change-overs in friends, the little things that were actually kind of huge, and has since developed a very poor sense of self-esteem from all the teasing and the unkind words, I beg to differ. YA helped me (and still does) understand myself in relation to the world, and it sure as hell didn't matter what the subject was, because I gained so much from every single YA book I read. There is a true reflection of ourselves that can be found there. It may not have the ultimate sense of influence, but even the smallest connection makes a difference.

Anyway.

The Glee Project Round-Up, 1x01, "Individuality"

So here's my thing with The Glee Project. I had not originally planned to watch it, because I have mixed feelings about reality shows (the only one I watch--if I happen to catch it--is America's Next Top Model, but even that is seldom). I didn't want a stigma associated with a show that I'm so passionate about, and I just wasn't sure what was to be gained from going through with the idea. Most importantly, I didn't want Glee, the only current television show that I have not yet gotten tired of (and actually enjoyed completely), to be tainted by this thing that I could not fathom.

But after thinking about it a LOT, I decided at the very last minute that I would watch it. I was curious. I wanted the contestants--and most especially the winner--to prove to me that this was worth it. And I really wanted to see them as the character they are playing, not the person. I wanted to see what they could bring.

And thus begins the Round-Up.

• I'm digging the general arrangement of the episode. The structure itself feels organic to what they're wanting to do with it, and I was not bored at all (In fact, I was surprised a couple of times because there was so much in there). The time is well used, and I think that if they continue in this vein, it will keep things interesting. Plus, it means less drama stuff and more doing stuff. I'm more concerned with the "doing stuff" part. 
• "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" is such a great song. Please explain to me why they haven't yet done it on Glee?
• Have I mentioned how awesome Darren Criss is? I loved how constructive and thorough his thoughts were when he was critiquing the contestants' performances. (And it was nice to see the quick clip of his advice to Matheus.) Darren definitely knows what he's doing, and it shows. I hope this kind of thing continues.
• I LOVED Hannah, Alex, Cameron, Damian, and Matheus. To me, they felt the most in tune and honest with their own individuality, and were not afraid to be themselves.  
• I wasn't so impressed with Lindsay. She was borderline for me this week (and I feel like it's going to get worse as the weeks go on.) I'm also not sure how to handle Samuel, but I have some hope for the future....Marissa, too, is borderline. 
• Let's talk professionalism for a second. Emily does not seem to have nor understand it. Her superficial attitude aside, it was not okay for her to be flirting with the guest judge, and I had the feeling every time I face-palmed that she didn't quite understand what Glee is about--and it certainly doesn't have anything to do with her hair flip or her chest (and though she claims the otherwise, flipping her hair does NOT make her different. Being more than what's on the outside does). There's a difference between having attitude and being conceited. I'm having trouble being patient with her inappropriate (and often sickeningly on the verge of suggestive) demeanor, and I sincerely hope that she is eliminated soon. I think I read somewhere that she was trained at LaGuardia in NYC--and I am not seeing anything I expected from a student from such a significant performance institution. You know? 
• I wasn't sure what to do with Bryce. He, like Emily, seemed unprofessional in some of his interactions, and I felt he kept flip-flopping in what he was about. I didn't mind his elimination. I think he'll go really far, I just feel Glee isn't going to get him there. 
• I really like how there is a constant critique going on. It's really interesting to see the judges' process and to see them working with each of the kids to overcome and achieve the goals they've been given. (And I love how honest Zach and Robert are with them. There's no sugar-coating.)
• Oh, first episode naivety. You're so funny. What you don't realize is that you all will, at some point, be at each other's throats. That's how reality shows work. The drama is what people will return to. 
• Best moment this episode? Hands down Damian's performance of "Jesse's Girl"--and Ryan Murphy's reaction. And after all that? Damian kept his cool and handled it really well. Cool points to him. Awesome. 
• I love the constant reminders/tidbits about the original show. The judges urging them to be themselves, to be okay with themselves and the mistakes they make, because that is part of what makes them who they are. 

Well. Let's see how next week goes.