Three Things

Thing 1

I wrote another guest-blog post over at The Hype Weekly site. It was a huge honor to be asked to write again, and as always, a huge thank you to The Hype for letting me rattle on a little bit about the crazy stuff I think about.


Thing 2

When I woke up this morning, I found a bag just outside my bedroom door. My mom had stopped by when I was still asleep to drop off the bag while she was in town running errands, and because both she and my roommates thought I'd already left for work, I didn't get to see her. (I did call her as soon as the other girls told me this to thank her for bringing the bag and chat a little, though the chatting was slightly awkward as I was still trying to wake up and she was grocery shopping.)

Anyway, included in the bag was my copy of John Green's The Fault In Our Stars, which had been sent home after I'd pre-ordered it.

It's so pretty! I like the simplicity of the cover. 

My roommate Alisha received one that included a Hank-lerfish, so I had convinced myself that maybe I'd get one with a Yeti* included with the signature. But no matter. I like the red. And really, the book is the most important thing. 

Thing 3

So this happened on Saturday night. And it was beautiful and hilarious and entertaining and so worth watching every minute that Daniel Radcliffe was on.** The skits were clever, funny, and unexpected in a good way.  It was awesome--I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Here's to hoping they'll invite him back to host again in the future. 

Thanks to DanRadcliffe.com for links to pictures and skits from the episode (the image above was from the same link). 

*You can learn more about the Yeti here. She's discussed here and there, and is quite elusive. 

**Lona Del Ray was the musical performer this episode. She was awful. Seriously, though. She was drone-y and the lyrics made me scratch my head. Like, a lot. 

A Two-Parter Ramble

I'm going to borrow a segue technique from John and Hank Green, the Vlogbrothers, who happen to be my favorite YouTube people (and the only ones I regularly watch). So, without further ado, this post comes in two parts.

Part One: Being Home


Last weekend was the first weekend since June that I was able to spend more than just 24 hours with my family. Heidi and I coordinated our visit so we'd have a weekend where all four of us (Heidi, Mom, Dad, and I) were in the same house. It was far too short of a weekend.

I'll be honest: I did not get a lot of homework done when I was home. For some reason, my motivation shuts off whenever I'm there, as if every visit is a vacation for me. The only thing I actually accomplished was watching online lectures for Art History, which I made my sister watch with me. She spent the entirety of them playing with Naomi, one of our cats, and playing on the Facebook Sims.

Regardless, the weekend was wonderful. Heidi and I watched a TON of movies:

• Wild Target, with Bill Nighy, Emily Blunt, and Rupert Grint. This movie is HILARIOUS. There's just something magical about British comedy that American comedy has a hard time living up to for me. Perhaps that's too cruel for me to say, but I really believe that. Now I just need to hunt down a copy for myself....
• Take Me Home Tonight with Topher Grace, Anna Faris, and Teresa Palmer. The movie was pretty funny, and I liked the touches of '80s culture included. Two things, though: first, I'm not a big fan of Dan Fogler (see above for a watered-down version of my thoughts on American comedy). Second, while I really appreciate what the movie's simple plot was trying to accomplish, I felt that Adventureland, which focuses on a similar kind of post-college state of wandering, was much more successful--and thorough in the journey of the protagonist--in conveying it. The holes in characters and the plot irritated me to no end. Overall, though, it was fun. I thought Topher Grace and Anna Faris topped themselves. 
• Jane Eyre, with Mia Wasikowska and Michael Fassbender. LOVE. I would cross oceans for this movie. No joke. 
• Crazy, Stupid, Love., with Steve Carrell and Julianne Moore. There were plenty of romantic comedy cliches, cheesy writing, and an almost completely predictable outcome for the characters. It was, however, very funny, and surprising at times. I loved Robbie, the son ("I love you. Please."); Jessica, the babysitter (her characterization/subplot was amazing); Hannah and Jacob's relationship (so funny and so tender, and it helps that I love both Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling). Little surprises all around. Plus, Josh Groban makes an appearance. 

The four of us took a mini-daytrip to Beatrice, where we scoured the $5 bin at Wal-Mart and returned with a large stack of bargain CDs between us. I met up with Maggie on Sunday for dinner to catch up with her and Emi, who's eyes are still as big and happy as they were when I saw her last at the end of May. She is adorable and I feel incredibly proud to be her godmother. Meanwhile, I joked around and talked music with Dad, spent time with Mom, filling her in on classes and such. Heidi and I cruised twice around town, blaring music from our iPods and pouring out our hearts about the things in our lives that were simultaneously important and heartbreaking in some form or another. There's something incredibly therapeutic about sharing this with my sister. I remember when Dad and his brother Rod would go cruising when we were little; there was a reason we were never allowed to join them--that was their time to share. Nothing but music, conversation, and honest heart-pouring. Those moments are special to me, more than I can put into words.

Part Two: Two Concerns and Many Feelings


First, I grow more and more wary of the future each day. I have no idea where I'll be at this time next year (and I feel the time swiftly slipping away from me). I do want to go to graduate school, but call it laziness or being too busy, I haven't looked into anything yet. There are so many feelings that I can't yet articulate, and I know I just have to push them and the worry aside and get the ball rolling so I don't waste any time. I know it will work out in the end. I mean, I do have time, and there are a few other things I've put on my educational bucket list (more travel, a writing fellowship, etc.) that are also on the timeline. I just need to sit down, make lists, prepare applications, take the GRE, and write.


Second, I noticed something when I was at dinner with Maggie on Sunday, and it's been hanging over my head since then, amplified from what it was before. I don't remember the exact train of our conversation or what prompted me to say it, but at one point, I made an off-hand comment that was along the lines of, "Well, if and when I ever get married and have kids..." Maggie, who was in the process of trying to keep Emi occupied (she was being fussy), laughed a little and looked up at me.

"You never know; if [so-and-so] got married, anyone can." Or something like that.

I feel like sometimes I let my cynicism about marriage get out of hand. No matter how hard I try to remain neutral concerning me and marriage, I feel like I always sound so bitter about it, as if I bring it up just so I can beat it to death over and over again, which is not my intention at all. It's not that I don't believe in it--because I really, really do--but part of me honestly feels like I won't ever get married, that God does not mean me to be.

Amanda gets really mad at me when I start talking like this. "God meant for you to be a mother," she says, speaking with a firm tone and looking me directly in the eye. "You have to have confidence in yourself. He has someone for you." My argument (which I feel is just as sound) is that maybe God does not have this planned for me, that I'm meant for something different. So, shouldn't I have trust that He knows what's best for me? Everything happens for a reason.

Thing is, I haven't dated in over four years. Most people my age are at a point where they are settling down. Facebook seems to magnify a pressure that doesn't really exist that I am desperately behind the times. I'm not socially comfortable enough to be able to use whatever "flirting protocol" is required to date, and of the two guys I had some sort of more-than-friends-type feelings for, one flat-out told me he'd never date me because I reminded him too much of his ex, and the other was only at K-State for a semester and I never understood what was going on with my relationship with him, anyway. When I go out to the bars with friends, I'm the one who stands just off to the side watching as my friends get hit on and the guys in question giving me that "Who are you?" look in the few times they break eye-contact with the object of their affection.

The last time I talked with Nate about dating, he suggested online dating sites. I shot down that idea almost immediately.

My ex-boyfriend (the only one I've had) told me four years ago that I was "too perfect." I'm still not sure what that had to do with our relationship and why we ended up in the mess we did.

My heart is much too invested in this complicated thing I've found myself in. And I have to understand that in no way am I supposed to find someone at this very moment; I have all the time in the world, if that is indeed what I'm meant to have in my life. Brandi, bless her heart, encourages me to embrace my single status (as, we joke, Jason Derulo does in the song). And I try. As I try to gain and maintain the confidence Amanda has urged me to find. Sometimes, though, the feelings get too heavy. I just wish things made more sense, sometimes. I can't spend the rest of my life dwelling on these things, you know?

So when my bitterness seemed to creep into my conversation with Maggie on Sunday, I felt awful that I ruined the mood of the conversation. I did not want her to think I was rude, or against anything related to it. It was just me, feeling too much, getting caught up in them and letting some slip away, becoming entangled in it.

Some Points of Interest for 28 June

First, a friend of mine on Facebook linked to a picture of this Sign of Awesome. It kind of made my day.

Second, John Green has released the title of his new book, which will rock the world's socks off for sure. If you have not read any of his previous books, go now to your local library or bookstore. I'd start with Paper Towns; others would argue with me and insist on Looking for Alaska. And yes, Will Grayson, Will Grayson counts. When it comes down to it though, it does not matter, because all of them are AMAZING. John Green is a brilliant writer; you won't be disappointed.

Third, and most annoyingly, Meghan Cox Gurden responds to the uproar following her previous opinion piece. I have a hard time finding her argument sound, but I'd rather not think on it too much because it makes my brain hurt. This article has enflamed Twitter and the rest of the internet once again, even more so than her first, it seems. Two rebuttals I really like come from Gayle Forman and Bookshelves of Doom. Both are incredibly insightful but also offer different criticisms, which ups the awesomeness of each. Agreed, agreed, agreed. As for my thoughts...they are many, but one of the things that upsets me the most is that she suggests that adolescence--and all complications that come with it--can, essentially, be forgotten, like those things (some which are terrible) won't carry with you as you get older. As someone who's still trying to understand the complex and often inexplicable issues with change-overs in friends, the little things that were actually kind of huge, and has since developed a very poor sense of self-esteem from all the teasing and the unkind words, I beg to differ. YA helped me (and still does) understand myself in relation to the world, and it sure as hell didn't matter what the subject was, because I gained so much from every single YA book I read. There is a true reflection of ourselves that can be found there. It may not have the ultimate sense of influence, but even the smallest connection makes a difference.

Anyway.