First Week Thoughts

Right now my thoughts are pretty foggy.

My art history class is going to have a different format than I'm used to. I've had the professor for two other art history classes, and the way he's structured the class in the past is with lecture from which we will take notes in class. I've been pretty happy with that format. I'm an incessant note-taker, and it gave me a chance to take a lot of notes and therefore keep up with what he was saying. This semester, however, he has split the class in half. One group will meet on Tuesdays, the other on Thursdays. On class days, we will be doing in-class activities/presentations based on the lectures and activities we had to do online throughout the week.

Part of me is excited about this format; the professor talked through some of the goals of the in-class activities, including some practice with writing criticism/analyses and artist statements in relation to what we're talking about. The other part is worried. I'm not yet sure what that worry is in response to (though I have a feeling it's not just about one thing). I'm giving it two weeks before I have an opinion about it.

Drawing 3 does not seem as scary as it was last fall. We're starting with a focus on observational drawing. I did a drawing of my cell phone yesterday in class--unfinished, because we only had an hour and the instruction was to make the object we chose as observed as possible. I'm also waiting to have an opinion until I've attended more sessions, but right now I'm feeling good about it. This is good news considering how close I am to developing and putting up my BFA show. I know it will be challenging--incredibly so--but I feel positive.

I know I'm going to love my Intro to French Lit 2 class. We're reading a great variety of literature from the Middle Ages (Le Moyen Age en francais) to the 1700s. I'm stoked; I haven't read a lot of literature from the time period yet, so it will be something different and exciting. The best and also the most nerve-wracking part of it is that because it is a language course, the class is entirely in French. We're reading these classic French works in French (some of which has been translated into the modern French from the original Old French). Mind = blown. My worry, however, is that it's going to become overwhelming. My French vocabulary is not very good at the moment (I'm working on it), and it might take me awhile to get into the swing of reading in addition to our class discussion. I'm so excited for it, but I know it's going to take a lot of work.

Finally, there is Advanced Creative Non-Fiction, a class that will also be a challenge. I have a lot of feelings about this class, and they are all good. I can't wait to be back in the swing of writing again, especially because I haven't done a lot of non-fiction writing. I write fiction and poetry, so this is definitely going to be a different kind of experience and will give me the chance to expand on my knowledge in and of creative writing. I want to do it justice, though. I don't want to fall into a pattern of embellishment and exaggeration. I was so worried about not being able to remember everything--something I'm convinced is impossible to achieve. What if I couldn't produce anything that is able to capture what I want to say? One can't "make stuff up." We had to read a couple of short essays discussing the genre itself--which is much more varied than I ever imagined: essay, travel writing, literary journalism, memoir, cultural criticism, food writing, and so on. Mind = Blown. In that chunk of reading, I gained more enthusiasm and excitement for trying out the genre then I'd ever thought I'd have. There was something, too, that my professor said yesterday in class that soothed my concerns. I don't remember her exact words, but it was something along the lines of: "be truthful to the memory as you remember it." I think I wrote it down in my notes from yesterday; I'll look it up and post it, because it really struck me.

Perhaps I worry too much.


Edit 25 Aug: I have written in my notes (probably not word-for-word): "be true to the memory as you have it." Another thing I wrote down that struck me as interesting is "silence is a power in literature." Also, "verity."

Little Bits of Happiness

This week flew by much too quickly, leaving me thinking that today was Saturday and not Friday. My last year of undergrad starts in about two days, and with everything that I've been thinking about--so much thinking--in addition to everything that has happened in the last few months, I'm starting to feel a pressure building within my chest. I have this crazy feeling that I'm forgetting something important; my dreams have started reflecting this and other various school-related insecurities. This is how it usually starts.

And so, to quell the stress that is sure to set in, I'm making an extended pick-me-up list. I am determined to avoid what happened last year when I nearly lost my mind with everything that happened in and out of school. It's one attempt to keep my sanity, assuming things will be just as crazy. Below is the beginning of this list. I'll add to it as the year wears on.


1. Reading. Lots and lots of it, especially considering I've only had the chance to read a book and a half this summer.

2. "Uncharted" by Sara Bareilles. When I was pouring my heart out to my sister one night over the phone a few months ago, she suggested I listen to this song in hopes that I would find some sort of creative inspiration/comfort from everything that was going on. Since then it's been my go-to song for when things seem beyond overwhelming.

3. The Literary Snob. Indescribable beauty in so many respects. LOVE.

4. Drawing. Always.

5. Kurt doing "Single Ladies" in the "Preggers" episode of Glee. I will never, ever tire of it. (Sidenote: As good as the Glee 3D movie was, I was severely disappointed that "Single Ladies" didn't make the cut. Alas.)

6. The "Laryngitis" episode of Glee. It is my favorite episode from Season 1. Few words can accurately explain my adoration for this episode. It is incredible.

7. Any news concerning The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Struck By Lightning, and The Hunger Games. All three are pretty much guaranteed to be amazing.

8. Waiting patiently for The Woman In Black. I'm not much for scary movies, but I will definitely be there to see this one.

9. Pottermore. I'm still waiting for my Welcome email. It will be worth the wait.

10. Harry Potter. As one last hurrah of summer before Monday, I'm going to see Deathly Hallows Part 2 again tomorrow night. A perfect end to an imperfect summer vacation.

11. Earl Grey tea. I am fairly sure we were made for one another.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, "Don't Come Around Here No More"

Ever since we got cable, I have been glued to Fuse and Vh1 Classic (and any That '70s Show episode/marathon that happens to be playing at the time) any chance I've gotten. This morning during their '80s video block, this video came on.

I love watching music videos in general, but I adore older music videos, and the fact that Vh1 Classic takes the time to

1. actually play music videos and
2. features a wide variety of older clips

...is kind of awesome. But that's not the only thing that struck me about the video block, especially after seeing this video.

Aside from my obsession with '80s music videos, I love the take on Alice's Adventures in Wonderland--one of my favorite books of all time. I am fascinated by its nonsense. And everything I've heard from Tom Petty has been amazing. But that first shot of Tom Petty at the end of the long table sparked some kind of recognition in my mind. I felt like I'd seen it before, years ago. I didn't necessarily remember the rest of it--except the checkerboard room--but it must have been very early on when I saw it. I couldn't place where I saw it, how old I was, what was going on in my life. I just...felt like this morning wasn't the first time I'd seen it.

There are things we won't remember--regardless of whether the memories will stay buried or become uncovered by some kind of trigger. A small part of me is worried about never being able to recover those things; I wonder if it's even possible. The big things, the little things, everything in between from when I started comprehending everything around me to the things I should remember but have lost, even from today. There is a slight fear that if I can't, I will never fully understand my place on this Earth. As if maybe if I'd paid more attention, I wouldn't feel so unsure about everything. Life and its complexities with cracks, with holes that will lead to somewhere I will never be able to access.

I know that I will never reach a complete understanding of everything life possesses, how life experiences connect and function, why things happen as they do. Not in this life, anyway. And as cliche as this may sound, until then, I'll just sit and ponder.

Hodgepodge #3

It's been at least two weeks since we've moved into the house. Our dining room still has some boxes (all of them belonging to the other girls; Alisha and I have both unpacked/set aside our own things), and I still have to figure out what posters I want up in my room. If they'll fit within my limited wall space, anyway.

We had a cook-out Sunday night as a kind of house-warming to celebrate. A handful of friends came to eat food and hang out with us. Andrew and Nate came from KC to visit--both of whom we don't get to see very often, so it was great to visit with both of them. Maybe it was just me and my simplistic expectations, but what I thought was going to be a leisurely, mellow get-together turned out to feel more like a let's-get-crunk "leisurely" party. Prairie and Emma were drunk. Alisha was tipsy and wanting to start a kind of dance-party thing in our living room (something I wasn't completely opposed to, but was still in that things-will-break nervous state). Amanda left at one point with John and a few of their friends, and my camera was passed around (ninety percent of the pictures from the party were not taken by me).

Overall it was a success--and it really was a lot of fun. The best part was getting the chance to see most of our friends in one place at one time. I am just not the kind of person who handles social situations very well. And there was a lot of loud talking and laughing and I got a little nervous.

The Glee Project's finale is next week. I was devastated and a little miffed when Hannah was sent home two weeks ago. (I mean, seriously, Glee Project? You're going to send home Hannah--who is the show--in favor of the two people who can sing better than her? Who furthermore, incidentally, received more criticism from Ryan Murphy than her. Explain that to me, please.) Anyway, I'm really hoping Damian will win, and I have a strong feeling--a.k.a. I'm wishing hard--that he'll be the one to come out on top. Or Alex. I wouldn't mind Alex winning. Samuel is incredibly talented, but we are still finding out things about him. What is his deal? And Lindsay...I don't know what I'd do if she wins.

Classes for the fall semester begin on Monday. I'm very discombobulated at the moment concerning this. The end of the summer "vacation" has taken a kind of toll on my patience and positivity. I don't know how to describe it; I'm not really angry, per say, nor am I in a bad mood. There have been days where I have indeed had the chance to sit back. But those days were few, sporadic, and never lasted longer than three days. Why didn't I take off a week or two? And why did the summer go by so fast? I need some time at home, away from everything here. I want to see my parents longer than just three days. I want to be able to meet up with Maggie so I can visit with her, and also see my goddaughter Emilyn, whom I haven't seen since the beginning of June. I want to see my cats Angus and Naomi (both of which I'm technically barred from bringing to live with me at the new house). I don't want to have to worry about work or classwork. I want to start the sweater I've been meaning to knit for my sister (if my poor knitting mojo doesn't let me down, that is).

C'est la vie. I think this will make Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks all the more special, however. I wonder if it's healthy for this kind of thing to happen to a person. (I'm almost sure it isn't.) This is why there are paid vacations at Big Kid Jobs and breaks in education. Everyone needs a moment to pause or they'll combust.

I'll leave you this afternoon with new bits of awesome from Lady Gaga. Music is a wonderful thing; there is something really special about losing yourself in the sounds and the words. For some reason I keep thinking about that one part of Disney's Fantasia where they try to recreate the visuals of the sounds. I don't know if the two things have an actually connection, but it makes sense in my head.

One Week Reactions

We've been at the house for one week. Still no internet (once again, we were kind of screwed over by the companies we give our business to), but it should be up and running by the end of this next week.

Still not too jazzed about the house. I'm feeling a lot more positive about it than I was when we originally moved in, but I'm still going back and forth about this or that. Many mixed emotions at the moment, and I have a lot on my mind. Perhaps a month there and I will be happier.

Alisha and I finally got our living room arranged the other day. Since we share the top floor, the living room is ours to do what we please. My TV is out in the living room, as is all the DVDs we have between us (and there are A LOT). It's a really nice, open space, and it will be a great place to relax and socialize. We talked last night about what posters and such we wanted on the walls, the only thing we have left to do in there. As a group, we still have the kitchen to finish organizing (Prairie and I started it the other day) as well as the dining room, which still has boxes piled everywhere.

I finished unpacking my things Tuesday and Wednesday, so I've had a lot of free time outside of work shifts and catsitting. Our lack of internet has certainly made a difference on this; I'm ashamed that I've become so dependent on it for entertainment, etc. Heck, I haven't finished a book since May; I need to reevaluate my priorities, and it is definitely going on my list of New School Years Resolutions. I was talking about it with Prairie and Alisha last night, and Prairie made the observation that while she was bummed we didn't have web access, she also realized that she had more time to get things done. How very true.

School starts in roughly two weeks, so I've been making list upon list upon list of things that I need to be doing between now and then and beyond. At least moving is out of the way. I hated how it seemed to consume me in July, preventing me from enjoying my very limited time away from coursework. At least now I can think clearly.

Update

1. We won't have internet until next week at the new house, so until then, my access is very limited. Meanwhile, there seems to be some sort of drama brewing and I'm not sure why (and it's incredibly annoying).

2. I'm already getting stressed about things and the semester hasn't even started yet.

3. By some miracle, and a lot of luck, I am now officially registered for Pottermore. I know it's not life or death, but it is exciting, and I'm kind of over the moon right now. I am now waiting patiently for my welcome email. <3

More later. I have a huge list of things to do today. Also, why is it Friday already? I mean, I'm not complaining, but....